In life there are some horribly painful
things. There are events, relationships, and emotions that are too difficult
for us to deal with in that moment. So we find ways to cope with them. It
could be watching a movie, writing in a journal, going for a walk, or having a
bubble bath. These are each small things that distract us momentarily from the
pain. They give us some relief, renewed strength and often help us to move
forward, past the pain and hurt. In a sense these coping strategies protect us
from harm and keep us from getting overwhelmed. They can be very effective in
helping us stay sane.
But what happens when life itself is what
causes the pain. When it isn’t one event or moment or relationship, but the
unpredictability and discomfort of life itself that makes us hurt. What happens
when our small coping strategies are not enough, when life becomes too hard and
overwhelming that they are no longer enough of a distraction. What happens is
we find new ways of coping. Maybe it is alcohol, maybe exercise, maybe drugs,
maybe work, maybe food or maybe sex. These are coping strategies that can
consume more of our time and energy so that we don’t have to be fully in life.
Whether you have an eating disorder, an exercise disorder, a drug addiction, a
sex addiction or you are a work-a-holic, it doesn’t matter. Underneath each
disorder we are all the same. We are all
the same. We each use our own disorder to help keep us safe on our
whirlwind adventure through life. These coping strategies protect us when life
gets to be too much.
At the same time that they are protective,
each disorder is equally destructive. They each take us away from the present
moment and our strong emotions so that we can feel “better”. But in
reality they don’t make us feel “better” they make us feel nothing.
If we constantly focus on food or exercise or work or drugs then there is no
time to be in life; no time to pay attention to our fears; no time to feel love
or be loved.
The truth is that these coping strategies can
not help us in the long run. Instead they destroy us. They wear us down from
the inside out. Some more clearly than others. Drugs can destroy us instantly.
Their effects are immediately visible. Exercise and work can be just as
destructive. They wear you down slowly until you are exhausted. Each of these
coping strategies break you down until the lines that define you as a person
are blurred. Instead people become defined by their work or exercise or drug of
choice. To the world you become your coping strategy. You become so lost in it
and so consumed by it that it defines your life. It becomes impossible to
imagine your life without it. Impossible to imagine your day without alcohol,
without running, with food.
Society sees each disorder differently.
Alcoholics, work-a-holics, people with eating disorders, runners and sex
addicts are all judged based on the coping strategy they indulge in. Each one
has there own stigma associated with it. But the thing that is so often
overlooked is that underneath each disorder is the same human. A human that is
scared, overwhelmed and trying to make it through each day on this Earth. It
doesn’t matter what method we choose to help us cope, the purpose of each
coping strategy is the same.
The idea is not to judge someone for their
disorder, but to find compassion for them. Look at yourself. Look at your fears
and how you find a way to manage them. Each disorder stems from the same origin
of fear. Someone can be addicted to drugs the same way someone can be addicted
to running, as an attempt to find “peace” and “safety”. It
is not logical, but a desperate attempt to stay sane in a world that is so
confusing. What’s ironic is that our attempts to stay sane actually make us go
INSANE. Having compassion for yourself and others struggling with any type of
disorder is the only way to take steps to get out away from the hold of a
destructive coping mechanism. Replacing it with another “disorder”
(such as replacing drugs with work) may be initially less harmful, but it does
not solve the underlying reason for the disorder. Looking beneath the layers of
the coping strategy is the only way to beat it. And that takes compassion;
compassion and ALOT of hard work.
It is not impossible to transcend these feelings, actions and reactions. Naturopathic Medicine may be a way that can support you on your journey to healing. Whether it is or isnโt remember that you are not alone and you are NOT your coping strategy. You are YOU โ a strong, caring, independent, perfect human being.
Really liked your blog
Well said dr Grandy. Xoxoxo
Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! ๐